Many of you may immediately recognize what I’m saying with this simple phrase. For those that do not, it’s that brief moment when you say something so incredibly stupid that it feels like your whole world has started to crumble around you and you’re almost suffocating. Obviously the walls aren’t really falling and you aren’t really choking on debris, but the tightness in your chest and heaviness in your limbs.
Now, I don’t mean being a jackass. Where that one drunk guy calls some low self-esteem nobody “fat” when she asks if she could buy him a drink and he mumbles some near incoherent reply when a simple no is perfectly acceptable. Or when someone makes a racist joke then realizes that someone just adopted a black baby. That’s just being a jerk. [Read: I use jerk as a term of endearment majority of the time, in this instance however, it’s serious.]
Jerk: (Noun) An idiot or stupid person. An insensitive, selfish, ignorant, cocky person who is inconsiderate and does stupid things.
To get to the point though.. I recently suffered from a severe case of foot in mouth syndrome. Yes I had the pressure and heaviness. Of course I had other symptoms that included frowning and lots of eye rubbing. (I don’t get the eye rubbing either, maybe that was just cause it was 3am). And of course regret. I’m not one to really regret doing things. So that sucked hardcore. Like harder than a little kid sucks a bottle to get that laaast little bit of milk or juice in there. That hard. I’m not sure if that’s in good terms for everyone, but hopefully. I’d like to make sure that point is clarified and no where near hazy. And plus I feel it lightened the mood a little.
But anyways. Yes. I went through that. Luckily, I pick friends carefully so that they are understanding enough to realize that I may seem perfect, but I do f up every now and then. Eventually things calmed and I relaxed and everything was well. But not without lots of “o.o” and “…” moments. Not on my part. On theirs. Right now, if he’s reading this, he’s probably going to have the same response. But that’s okay. I won’t name him. No one will know. He did encourage me to talk about my ‘feelings’. (Whether that be here or to him, I’m not sure.)
…lol, like that’ll happen, at least on here. I rather eat my fingernails. I mean, who wants to read about the tragedies of some middle-class white girl. Boooorrringgggg. Instead I’ll continue my tirade of things that happen, thoughts that occur, and obversations I make of life.
xoxo, the little birdy.