I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. And I don’t mean just ‘slightly’ ADHD. I mean, I fit every single symptom. Some more severely than others, but they are there none the less. Now, I’m not sure how much my readers actually know about this disorder. Long story short: I talk a lot, move a lot and my mind is always (I seriously mean always) racing. Switching from one topic to the next as I stare off into space and twitching some part of my body. Then you sometimes have the honor of being around when I add talking into the mix. I’m moving some part of my body, shifting my eyes restlessly, talking at top speed, all while continuously thinking about one thing then the next. My middle name might as well be Tangent. I’m so good at those.
I don’t know about you, but that was exhausting just to read. And I live this every day. It’s tiring at times, yes. Plus I suffer from insomnia most nights resulting in constant lack of sleep. And no, this isn’t a pity post, just go with it for a minute.
You might now be wondering why I’m telling you this. If you haven’t noticed this about me yet, then you don’t know me very well. And either need to get out of my life or pay a little more attention. Oh that’s another thing, I get distracted easily. That just happened. Top that off with forgetfulness, and I’m a complete mess. When I sit down to write a blog I have to commit as much as I can to it. Which is difficult. I have to force myself to stay on topic or else I’ll finish the blog with something completely different then what I started with.
That being said, don’t you dare say I’m unintelligent. I’m smarter than people give me credit for, just because I can’t memorize information that has no relevance to me and I randomly break out in song or run through a department store. None of that makes me stupid. It just makes me different. And I like being different. MUTANT AND PROUD (name that movie). [Note: When I call myself a mutant, I’m referring to my red hair. Since for those that do not know this, having red hair is a genetic mutation. A genetic mutation that makes me prettier than all you bitches. Don’t deny. Jay kay. Sorta.]
A lot of the time I also forget what I want to say in these things. I’ll be staring at the wall, formulating the perfect witty sentence to start myself on a roll for the next paragraph then remove my eyes from the wall, prepare to type and it’s gone. Just gone. I have no recollection of what I wanted to say and I have to start over.
I think the point that I was getting to is that blog writing is easy and hard. Easy, because I can write and write and never run out of things to say, hard because it’s so difficult to stay on one topic for the whole blog. Better yet, it’s hard to narrow down where I should start. I have so many things to say and it’s impossible for me to decide what is most important and therefore, what needs to be said in my next blog. I hope that explains why I have random bursts of blog posting. I’m seriously going to try to keep it up. Cause this way instead of just talking to myself in my head, I’m at least doing it in a way that allows others to view the way I think.
I don’t mean to use this person as an example to be mean. I suppose this is one way I’ll actually know if they read it. But I just had this conversation. It went like this.
Them: I would hate to have ADHD.
Me: Please don’t say you’d hate to have it. I do have it. It’s not as bad as it seems when you live it every day. I’m not stupid. I’m not diseased.
Right. Well you don’t have it. Be glad. I don’t need to be reminded that it sucks. There are so many worse things that could be wrong with me though, so why not focus on the good?
So next time you see me make random animal noises to release energy or twirl my hair in a ridiculously fast manner, just smile and think “That’s my Robyn.” Because this is me. Hate it (me) if you want. But I’ve killed bitches for less.
xoxo, the little birdy.