We use words in our every day lives. Asking for directions, telling someone good morning, or even cursing out the person that just cut you off and slowed down on the freeway. No one really ever stops and takes into account the affect those words may have on a person. I know some people don’t intentionally use their words wrong, but that doesn’t always make the situation less painful when the wrong thing comes out. It’s so easy to mis-communicate that there’s always going to be some sort of disagreement that ruins an hour, a day, a week or even a lifetime. Personally, I have the problem that I tend to bottle up all emotion and keep it there. I don’t let it out. I don’t show it. I don’t even feel anything sometimes because of it. Yeah that sounds emoscreamo, but that’s not what I’m getting at. The problem is more wide spread than just me, I’m sure. I am positive about this. Because I know that when you do just what I do and keep everything in until one little thing sets the bottle spilling over, your words are screwed. You won’t make sense. Nothing will ever come out right until you solve the issues that are really getting at you.
Granted, I like to think I’m fairly good with my words majority of the time. Sometimes my sentences don’t make complete sense because I get ahead of myself, but the same thought is there. I can curse a person out like a sailor if they mean very little to me. It is the worst when the person on the other end is someone that really matters, right? Right. Half of me wants to just say what I feel because that tends to work things out (good or bad) in the end, but the other half is so worried about hurting someone (myself or the other person) that I don’t. Even right now, I’m sure I’m barely making sense. Great. I’m so akajglakerabuaksdfl right now that nothing is coming out right. I couldn’t even make polite conversation with the cashier at the grocery store. I felt like a straight up ass because of it.
Maybe I should try again. I love fighting with people. It exhilarates me in a sick, disturbing way. But for God’s sake I do not like fighting with people that matter to me. To people that I’d give a kidney to. To people that I care for more than myself. Gah that kinda makes me sound like an insane person as well.
IT CAME TO ME. Over thinking. That’s where most things go wrong. I do it. I know a lot of people do it. There are so many thoughts swirling in my mind that no real thoughts can be formed and that ends up putting me in a pickle cause suddenly I have sooo much information and things I want to say but when I open my mouth to speak, it comes out in a hunk of hot mess that makes things worse.
Bah. Words have lost their true meaning these days. That reminds me of this Tim McGraw song, Back When:
We got too complicated
It’s all way over rated
I like the old and out dated
Way of life
Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack’s what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I’m down with that
Well it mean you had the flu
I miss back when..
What the heck were we thinking? Why can’t things just be normal. Why can’t everything just stay the same and not get worse. Words are killing us. You say the wrong thing, you could die. You say the wrong thing, you could make someone cry. We really just need a nice long moment of silence to collect ourselves and get our shit together.
Why do people try so hard to say the right thing. I’m probably contradicting myself now. But this thought just came to mind. Why not just say what you really think. Yeah there’s a good chance it’ll suck for the time being, but in the long run, wouldn’t it help? I mean, if you don’t tell the truth, it may not be lying then but it could turn into a huge lie that blows up in your face down the road.
I don’t think I was really going anywhere with this. All yall have plenty of proof that I’m freaking crazy now, but that’s okay. Maybe all these thoughts separate make no sense, but when you smoosh it all together into one thing, maybe it’ll help someone. Just say what you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong because they don’t agree. Don’t let someone change your mind if you truly believe something. Don’t be afraid to disagree with someone. No one thinks exactly the same, that’s what makes things interesting. Use your words wisely, make them worth it. You never know who is listening.
xoxo, the little birdy.